I don’t know what my next paycheck will be. It’s part of the thrill of working a commission job. I work what I call an inbetween job. You know you’re in one if you you’re in one. Basically, the job pays more than minimum wage but less than an actual career. Hence my coinage of the phrase inbetween.
Over the last month (June) my numbers have plummeted, despite other related performance metrics, which I can control, being rather high. It was the worst luck I had ever experienced during my yearlong tenure. It was also the worst luck I had observed in that same time as well.
It was so bad that the company gave me a promotion. They made me a manager of all the people the other managers didn’t want to manage. They gave me a key to a company vehicle, a beater at that, and authority to run a crew. I had three underlings. Two were rather new. The other was the company’s problem child and my friend. After a shady past, he managed to get himself back on his feet at the company. But a nasty divorce sent him into a state of crippling loneliness, of which he looked to alcohol. After starting to get better, a vehicle situation arose making it unprofitable to come into the office, sending him back into that spiral.
On my second day in charge, we drove down to pick him up and hit the field. We both knew that the situation at hand was bad and weren’t afraid to badmouth the company over it. But it didn’t take long for it to become a very uncomfortable situation for the newer employees. My friend was truly psychotic. He drank during the lunch break at his apartment.
Once hitting the field for a while, we worked together, while the other two worked together. He needed my help in staying on track and closing. It was a rough first half. In the middle he pestered me long enough, that I gave him five minutes to get a drink. He was back in three with a fifth of whiskey and an 18 pack of cans along with a Red Bull. Before you judge the decision, there was precedent for getting high on the job and certainly instances of getting drunk beforehand. I am also a disgruntled employee, and I made him swear to get his numbers. He came through on his word. He and I made our numbers while the other two did not.
The following day, the company barred me from picking him up. I was pissed. Managers have a different pay structure, and I am under the explicit implication that I would be entitled to it (that’s about as far as I trust my boss’s word). My best chance at reaching said bonuses is the company’s problem child. I also wanted his energy with me. I thrive with him around, and during my bad luck, we weren’t together. Since that day, we’ve maintained a communication. He considers me one of his best friends.
Management is not as glamorous as it seems. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. As my job became less financially reliable, my anxiety shot up. It’s been at least a week since a solid poop. While managing, I was nauseous, unable to stomach food until at least 1pm. For obvious reasons, I want to take my newfound degree and get a career paying job. I want an escape. But with two months of searching, I had not been successful in my quest. I turned down two jobs, jobs I knew the Lord did not want me to take.
On Friday of the first week of the experiment of making me a manager, I parted from the other two. Instead of working, I prayed. I prayed and cast my anxieties onto the Lord. The verse below was the verse I kept repeating in my head.
“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalms 46:10 ESV
Within moments I was given an empowering sense of relief. The Lord was with me. I would be taken care of. I hit the field. In the sweltering heat, I had an epiphany. My inability to land a new job was because of my friend. The Lord wanted me to love him. The love of God drives me to love others. Had these unfortunate events not happen, I would not be in the most effective position to reach him. As I count, my friend has about three people that care about him right now. All these bad things that happened to me were so that I could minister to a man who is broken. And by the providence of God, I saw my freedom.
Following the epiphany, I had my best numbers in weeks.
Be still, and know that I am God.